When Presents Undermine Presence…
With the Winter holidays upon us, and the economy being what it is, I see a lot of people looking for ways to gift in a frugal manner.
On top of that, it’s often hard to know what to get for someone, when everyone already has everything they could possibly need, because this is, after all, America- the Land of Excess.
Impulse buys are featured next to every cash register, every producer outdoes the one in the commercial before in telling you exactly why you need a new car, drug or toy for your kid and everyone needs and deserves a cruise to get away from work for a while. ……or at least a candy bar.
So what are you going to give your kids with your last $25 dollars that you’ll see until you get your next social security or pay check, two or three months from now?
A woman on Facebook was truly in that position. And she was truly asking what she should get for her kids, with her last $25!
If her kids need her to spend her last $25. On them because Hallmark and The Church have sold us all a bag of goods, then we need to be having a serious talk about entitlement and the joy of giving.
First of all, Christmas started out as a pagan holiday, that wasn’t about gift giving.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-unexpected-pagan-origins-of-popular-christmas-traditions/
The Church had to make it all neat and tidy, so they appropriated it and called it Christmas, and it still wasn’t about Santa and gift giving. ……..until 1823, with the popularity of the poem: The Night Before Christmas.
Second, we all do a lot of complaining about grown-ups acting entitled and we forget that we are pro-actively fostering that entitlement our kids, every Christmas that we don’t have them work at a soup kitchen or help distribute gifts to the needy.
I’m not saying that your kids should never get presents. I’m saying that BEING PRESENT for them is much more important to them than the presents that you give them.
I don’t remember how old I was when I got my light bright or my dolls or even my favorite mug from my best friend, Cynthia Michael (Now Pascal). What I remember is having FUN with my family and friends on birthdays and many other days.
I remember all the times my family was in Tahoe, together, and how my big brothers woke me up early to go out on the boat for some water skiing, while the lake was still calm.
I remember Mom pruning in the yard, and Dad talking on the phone and barbequing, while I rode my red tricycle in circles around the patio table.
I remember that it felt nice, just to hear my Dad’s voice on the phone, as he barbequed or watched me ride, and it was lovely to see Mom crouching in the dirt, pruning her flowers. It got even better when my big brothers slammed the garage door on their way in to share that barbeque dinner and yelled hello.
Larry would muss my hair and say something teasing, and then teach me a new game, until dinner, and Dan would sometimes juggle for me, and he still makes me laugh every time he’s around.
They didn’t have to give me a thing to make those days memorable. All they had to do was BE THERE. It cost them NOTHING, and it was probably the greatest investment they ever made.
What is it you INVEST into your relationships with your families, at Christmas time? Are you bribing them for their love, with expensive gifts? Are you trying to out-do another relative who always brings your kids “the best gifts”? Are you trying to impress someone?
Why?!
Who is it that changed your kids diapers every day? Who sat with them day and night when they were sick and got them to school every day? Who made sure that they did their homework so that they would have choices and opportunities, later in life?
Shouldn’t your kids be grateful for that? Even if it’s not Thanksgiving anymore?
Their college career and jobs won’t last a single day. They’ll be in college for FOUR WHOLE YEARS, because you got them to school every day, and nagged them to do their homework.
In case you’ve forgotten, you were making your greatest investment in your relationships with your kids, when you were BEING THERE for them. You were listening to them tell you about their day at school, or their favorite music or tv programs or a dream that they had last week.
That is called BEING PRESENT. You can’t wrap it up with a bow, and you’ll always be rich enough to give it to them. All you have to do is make the time.
It’s always going to seem like there are never enough hours in the day to just sit and listen for a while, and it’s always going to seem like one of those things that don’t matter, when it makes all the difference in the world.
So bake cookies with them, play board games, sing songs, read stories at bed time and other times. When you do these things, they are feeling, seeing, smelling and hearing you there with them.
If the lady on Facebook really needed to spend her last $25. on gifts for her kids, maybe she could spend it on the ingredients for cookies that they could all bake together or crescent rolls to take to a dinner at the grandparents’ home.
If friends or relatives are asking you what you’re giving, be honest, and know that you’re leading by example. Tell them that you’re regifting this year, or giving only home made gifts, or having a board game night, because you want your kids to learn the joys of simply BEING TOGETHER as a family. Then, light the fire in the fire place, gather round your Christmas tree, sing, dance, drink hot cocoa, play charades, and do whatever else comes naturally to your family, and stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. It’s not worth it, because their kids are not going to turn out to love their parents more because of all the presents. They’re just going to turn out more entitled.